my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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