why im i the only drunk person in the library?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have already put on my inside pants.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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