does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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