Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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