Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we're so committed to being not committed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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