Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
