Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
