So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
