it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
