I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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