at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
