I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
