i just wanna soil my oats bro
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize