mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
