oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
