I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
