I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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