i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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