i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's like iHOP with fire
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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