i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
