i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize