I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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