I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
