Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize