She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
