does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
