Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
