I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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