Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
