You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
