have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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