We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
