if you like me you must not know who I am
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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