Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
