did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
