He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you made out with another girl for some wings
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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