his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
