You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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