We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
