did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
