I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize