Your face is a jimmy john
I smell stomach acid.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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