I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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