hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
