dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
