Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
