I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
