Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
