Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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