So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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