I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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