Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize