If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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