I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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