You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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