either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize