Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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