Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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