We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
