mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
