You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
