At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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