Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
