Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He shit in the fireplace
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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