Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
