NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I enjoy the company of your penis
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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