4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
