I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
