I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize