My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
