Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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