Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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