The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
