He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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