Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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